Thursday, June 21, 2007

Thong Bikinis - An Argument Against Bare Beach Buttocks

Yes, I agree – there are many positive aspects of thong bikinis, but most of those positive aspects vanish immediately (faster than a string vanishes up a crack) if the “wrong” person is caught wearing a thong bikini.

So, let us start by stating the positive things about thong bikinis. The positive aspect for the wearer is that a thong bikini leaves your cheeks exposed to the sun so that you can get a more even tan. That is pretty much the only positive aspect about a thong bikini for the wearer. For the onlooker, the only positive aspect about a thong bikini is that it can look damn sexy and leaves little to the imagination.

That being said, let us move on to the negative aspects of thong bikinis – there are definitely many more negative aspects of thong bikinis than positive ones. First of all, let us discuss if the “wrong” person decides to wear a thong bikini. Let me apologize in advance for however insulting I may sound in this next paragraph – I am a grave proponent of people of all shapes and sizes wearing whatever clothing they want to feel sexy. That being said…

A thong bikini is not always sexy. Sometimes onlookers want to have more left to the imagination. If it is a wearer’s first time out in a thong bikini, there is first of all the problem of bright white cheeks. Nobody wants to see the fully tan body out on the beach paired with bright white cheeks no matter how firm they are. Secondly, there is always the possibility that the wearer has unattractive ass-ets, so to speak.

I am sorry, but some people should keep their cottage cheese cheeks inside a regular bathing suit or bikini. And nobody wants to see a buttocks that are hanging down to mid thigh. Oh, and I am not speaking solely of women’s behinds – I am also a proponent of men never wearing thong bikinis either! Nobody needs to see a man’s behind being squeezed out on either side of a mere piece of string.

And for the wearers of thong bikinis! How can they handle that thin piece of fabric hugging their most intimate area? Yes, you can get used to a thong bikini, but can you ever actually enjoy it? And if it is your first time out on the beach wearing a thong bikini, be sure to lather up those cheeks with sunblock – you certainly do not want to have to remain standing for the rest of the week simply because a sunburn makes it is too painful to sit!

Thong bikinis will remain on the beaches, I know; and congratulations are in order for anyone who is brave enough to wear one. That being said, unless you are in Brazil or on a private beach, do not wear a thong bikini!

Anne Clarke writes numerous articles for websites on gardening, parenting, fashion, and home decor. Her background includes teaching and gardening. For more of her articles on bikinis, please visit Brazilian Bikinis and Swimwear.