Monday, May 14, 2007

I'm Fabulous, right?

A woman-centred psychotherapist explores the topic of women and self-esteem and provides invaluable tools to help women increase their self-worth.

In this article, I want to talk with you gals about that much-touted, not-so-easy to obtain, pop-psychology all-star concept; self-esteem. We all want to know:

* What is it?
* How do I get me some of that?
* How do I make it stay?

In this e-zine, I’m going to attempt to begin addressing these questions to get you thinking, questioning, and hopefully, moving forward to answering them for yourself.

In terms of what self-esteem is, I have found a few definitions by doing a web-search for the term. Here they are:

* Feelings of self-worth stemming from the individual's positive or negative beliefs about being valuable and capable
* a feeling of pride in yourself
* dignity: the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect

I’d say those are pretty good definitions and quite straightforward. If only it were as easy to HAVE self-esteem as it is to define it! I wish I could tell you that I was one of those women who treats low-self-esteem like a ridiculous practical joke and just laughs it away while I constantly feel fabulous, brilliant, beautiful, and at “the top of my game”, but I’d be lying and I am really bad at lying and the guilt obtained from lying would decrease my self-esteem further, which is something I don’t need at the moment.

Yes, I have moments of feeling like I can take on the world and dance around the kitchen singing “W-O-M-A-N” at the top of my lungs along with the CD, only to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror to observe that, “wow- don’t I look fabulous today?” Then I have a great day at work and really get it that I’m helping people to live better lives and I give myself the old pat on the back for a job well done…

Those are the good days…
On the bad days, I have what I call “low self-esteem attacks” wherein I temporarily forget who I am, what I do for the world, and what is good about me. And I know I’m not the only one because every day I hear stories from my clients about the exact same phenomenon. When I have positive self-esteem myself I look at these amazing women in front of my eyes who think they’re “nothing”, “stupid”, and “ugly” and I want to jump up out of my chair and scream, “Who told you these horrible lies about yourself?! None of it is true! You’re brilliant, magnificent, and fabulous and have so much to contribute to the world!”

But, being the ‘good therapist’, I wipe the horror off my face and do my best to appear emotionally neutral and help them come to their own conclusions; in their own time. And I know that as a woman, it’s useless to tell another woman over and over again just how great she is and why I admire her. While it’s great to be reminded in our low times, we also need to work on remembering how fabulous we really are all on our own and not become dependent on hearing it from other people so much of the time.

Why is this so hard for so many of us? I have seen lots of women out there who really are convincing when they say that they don’t care what other people think about them, but I’m not so sure they’re being totally honest. I mean, is there one woman out there who has NEVER given a damn about what someone thought of her? If there is, I want to meet her and get her recipe for high self-esteem!

To end this brief thinking-out-loud session about women and self-esteem, I’d like to leave you with some tips on how to boost your self-esteem when you’re having a “low self-esteem attack”:

* write down all the negative things you’re thinking about yourself on one side of a piece of paper, and on the other side, counter them with evidence to the contrary. For example, if you write, “I can’t present myself professionally in public”, you may counter it with, “Yes I can. I did a great job when I did the _______ presentation at work last week and people commented on how professional and organized I was.”

* Call a woman who is less prone to “low self-esteem attacks” (I always call my mother!) and ask her to remind you who you are because you’ve temporarily forgotten…then have a good laugh and ask her how she’s doing.

* When in the midst of a “L.S.E.A.”, seek upliftment (is that a word?) from strong, you-go-girl women who make you feel like you can do anything and take on the world. For example, you may have a favourite female singer who tells it like it is and makes you feel powerful. I don’t know about you, but every time I listen to Aretha Franklin belting out, “RESPECT” or “THINK”, my self-esteem rises considerably.

* And lastly, if all else fails, PRAY!!!!!!! Pray to who/whatever you believe in that has ‘higher power energy’ to help you let go of ‘playing small’ and to send you some reminders of your real self. Pray in earnest and then wait to be pleasantly surprised!

Esther Kane, MSW, Registered Clinical Counsellor, is the author of “Dump That Chump: A Ten-Step Plan for Ending Bad Relationships and Attracting the Fabulous Partner You Deserve (, and “What Your Mama Can’t or Won’t Teach You: Grown Women’s Stories of Their Teen Years ( Sign up for her free monthly e-zine, Women’s Community CounsellorFree Web Content, to uplift and inspire women at:

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5 Easy Techniques For Picking Up Women at Bars and Nightclubs

Find out how you can easily approach and attract women in the loud club/bar environment.

One of the most difficult places to pick up a woman is at a bar or nightclub! In this environment you have to compete with loud music and congestion just for a woman's attention.

Unfortunately this is typically the first place most guys will go to meet women. As a result, you're at a distinct disadvantage when trying to attract women in this environment.

As you can see, trying to pickup a woman in this environment is quite challenging! However there are a few techniques you could implement which will dramatically increase your chances of success.

Here are 5 ways you can make it easy to pick up women at bars and nightclubs:

1- Travel lightly
Traveling with a large group of guys is a quick way to decrease your chances of attracting women. In fact, when you're surrounded by many of your friends, you'll end up annoying or intimidating women.

If you want to initiate conversations with women, you should go out with ONE wing man. That way you can assist one another with the different groups of women you're approaching.

2- Strut your stuff
Your body language is a vital aspect of attracting people in a loud venue. Since women have trouble listening in this environment, they rely heavily on observing the body language of men. So in order to attract them, you have to show them something which they'll like.

Now in order to instantly attract their attention, you should show powerful body language and display confidence. This means taking up a lot of space, looking comfortable in this environment, and acting in a cool manner.

3- Be a fun and exciting guy
In the club/bar environment the fun and exciting guy is somebody who stands out in a positive way. Women are attracted to guys who can display exciting personality traits.

So when you're in a bar you need to:

* Have a smile on your face
* Joking around with your wing man
* Look like you're really enjoying yourself.

By showing off this trait, you'll look like a guy who is fun to be around.

4- Be cool
Women are naturally attracted to guys who have higher status. When you display this personality trait, you show authority and confidence.

You can display this trait by being relaxed and casual to the people who are around you.

5- Approach in unique manner
Because of the loud music, approaching and picking up women in this environment is really hard.

In order to display positive qualities when you're talking to women, you should use a unique way to initiate conversation. Typically this can be accomplished with an opener.

When you use an opener, you want to make sure that you're speaking in a loud and clear voice. That way you're projecting the confident personality which is important to show in this environment.

Now once you've initiate this conversation, you can work on further establishing your higher status and building attraction with the woman you're pursuing.

Picking up women in a bar and club environment is hard thing to do. With the information that you've learned in this articleFree Reprint Articles, you'll find it easy to stand out from the crowd and become the guy who can easily work this type of venue.


Want to learn 50 different ways to meet, approach and attract women? If so, take a look at Scott Patterson's Free eBook which provides 50 tips for approaching, attracting, and dating ANY woman.

Folic Acid Prevents High Blood Pressure in Women

Women who get lots of folic acid from both diet and supplements have less chance of developing high blood pressure than women who get very little, according to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association (2005;293:320-9) that re-analyzed data from two previous studies.

Hypertension (HTN) is defined as blood pressure higher than 140/90 mm Hg. HTN affects approximately 65 million people in the United States, and the prevalence is increasing as the population ages. Blood pressure is influenced by the openness and elasticity of the blood vessels; HTN indicates loss of elasticity, narrowing of the vessels, or both. It is frequently caused by plaque formation along the inner vessel walls (atherosclerosis). Because the heart pumps against the resistance (pressure) of the arteries, HTN increases the work the heart must do to keep blood flowing to all parts of the body. Chronic HTN can therefore cause thickening of the heart muscle and eventual heart failure. HTN also increases the risk of stroke and kidney failure. Preventing HTN is critical to reducing the incidence of heart disease, the leading cause of death in the US. Public health recommendations are based on evidence that a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and low in saturated fats, combined with regular moderate exercise, can protect against HTN.

Folic acid, one of the B vitamins, occurs naturally in many plant foods (such as beans and green leafy vegetables) and is commonly found in multivitamins and B-complex supplements. Due to its role in preventing some birth defects, a number of foods are now fortified with folic acid, such as cold cereals and other grain products. Along with vitamins B6 and B12, folic acid lowers blood levels of homocysteine, an amino acid that has been found to be a heart disease risk factor. Several small studies have suggested that folic acid supplements might improve the health of the vessel walls and lower blood pressure.

Data from two previous studies of health and disease patterns in women in the US, known as the Nurses' Health Study I and II, were used in the current study to examine the effect of dietary and supplemental folic acid intake on HTN.

More than 238,000 women participated in the two studies. One study included women between 25 and 42 years old and the other included women between 30 and 55 years old. Women in both studies answered questionnaires about health and dietary habits upon enrollment. For both studies, follow-up health questionnaires were filled out every two years for eight years, and a follow-up diet questionnaire was answered after four years.

The study involving younger women found that those who consumed the most total folic acid (more than 1,000 mcg per day) from both diet and supplements had a 46% lower risk of HTN than those who consumed the least total folic acid (less than 200 mcg per day). In the study with older women, consuming the most folic acid afforded an 18% risk reduction compared with consuming the least. In women whose dietary folic acid was less than 200 mcg per day, a combined dietary and supplemental folic acid intake of at least 800 mcg per day reduced HTN risk, relative to a combined intake of less than 200 mcg per day, by 45% in the study with younger women and 39% in the study with older women. In women who did not take supplements, getting the currently recommended 400 mcg per day from food was not protective against HTN in either study.

This analysis of the results from two studies provides evidence that folic acid can significantly reduce HTN risk in women. It further suggests that supplementing with folic acid is an effective way to increase intake to a level that protects against HTN. Future studies should further examine the relationship between folic acid intake and HTN risk, as well as the possible role for folic acid supplements in reducing blood pressure in people with HTN.

For more Vitamin Information and other Vitamin Articles, visit Vitamin Herb University.

Maureen Williams, ND, received her bachelor's degree from the University of Pennsylvania and her Doctorate of Naturopathic Medicine from Bastyr University in Seattle, WA. She has a private practice in Quechee, VTArticle Search, and does extensive work with traditional herbal medicine in Guatemala and Honduras. Dr. Williams is a regular contributor to Healthnotes Newswire.


For more Vitamin Information and other Vitamin Articles, visit Vitamin Herb University.
Maureen Williams, ND, received her bachelor's degree from the University of Pennsylvania and her Doctorate of Naturopathic Medicine from Bastyr University in Seattle, WA. Dr. Williams is a regular contributor to VHU's Healthnotes Newswire.